wlk_alone

Seriously who would have thought that someone like me would be working in a Burger King. Especially since I finished college with an IT degree. Its funny though well somewhat cause 6 months ago I moved to Tampa to get a job and now I'm workin at BK. But a job is a job in this market.

Ever think that Andy Warhol is a copy cat and not a true artist. Who copy-cats word for word a label on the campbell's soup can. A true artist creates from the heart.

The other day while going to the pharmacy so that my mom could pick up her meds. Over heard the pharmacist tell the guy in front of us that there is no job available and that if he applied on line for a job and brought a copy of the application that the pharmacist might look over the application and might call the guy back for a job

Why can't people be truthful about jobs and just be honest saying "I'm sorry were not hiring." And is it too much trouble to take down help wanted signs in windows if the store truly isn't hiring.

False hope is cruelty to those of us looking for a job like myself and have been for a year and half going on almost two years since my internship ended last March. It hurts being given False hope its part of the reason I moved here and yet nothing's changed. It will be a year come November since I've been here in the tampa area and there's not much thats changed.

http://puzzlesea.com/celtic-mahjong-solitaire

Somebody get me through this nightmare I can not control my fate. I know these are song lyrics but its how I'm feeling. I'm dead set lonely and upset and I don't know what to do or who to talk to cause I don't really have anyone here in Tampa to talk to. The cat doesn't talk but is like well my best friend here.

Bad days taste like licorice and look like Eeyores. Good days taste like Lollies and rainbows.There seem to be more bad than good lately and its getting to be a struggle in which I'm suppose to walk around with a smile and be happy. Well how do you feel happy when everything just seems to turn its back on you. People call my phone looking for my ex-best friend who is my sister's roommate in the other house. They don't bother calling cept they do send emails once in a blue just to invite me up to go to a party they know I can't afford going to. Its hurtful that if these so called people were actual friends they call and come here to visit me here in tampa. I'm alone here damnit and don't have a job still due to the economy sucks still and its like you have to be either really old to get a damn job or a high schooler. I feel screwed the hell over and to my parents its like well I'm not even trying.

If the questions matter more than the answers why do we always seek out the answers. Maybe I'm just rambling on but who knows. I got all these thoughts running through my head and I need to get through this some how. I've been told that its ok to go ahead and chase dreams but when one does chase a dream it just doesn't work out. I've tried for a year and a half now to chase my dream of becoming IT professonal. Feels like I've tried and failed makes me wonder if i should have gotten a college degree in Art History or something.It also feels like I've wasted thousands of dollars into getting my IT Networking AS Degree that took me six years into chasing.The one thing I am truly proud of that I was able to accomplish. Chasing dreams lead to empty promises of hope lots of nights of tear stains on the pillow. The only thing I have to show is well almost a year or more worth of sketches in a notebook that no one ever sees but me. Someone told there is a price we pay for things including being happy but haven't I've paided this price long and hard. What more is there left to drain from me? What if there is nothing more to Life than the hard soul double edge sword questions anymore.

Why is it that everyone wants me to fix their problems and yet no one asks to help fix mine.Lost my best friend for good it feels like and the others part of me just wants to give up on. How come when you lose someone you care about you lose your self in return. Even if you weren't planning on being lost it just sort of happens. I know i've changed but maybe that means I don't want everything else to change.

xoxo
Diane

Wondering why its been well about a year and a half and still jobless i know the economy sucks but i don't know. Things here are well the same at best. What i want more than anything for my birthday is a purpose in my life.

I don't wanna dis my generation and all but i just don't get people these days. bribing children who have tantrums with candy and toys just to calm them down is just wrong. My parents taught my sister and I that if you want something from the store that you had to do chores to earn that sort of thing. Thats whats wrong with the world people are just handed things and not work for them.

Also ever notice that some people are only have are worth only being at places like "Submart" and all that. I've been noticing this alot and these are the people who don't seem to try they just rely on having things handed to them like for instance some of the submart employees only have their job because their best friends with the hiring managers

Can't wait til the election is over with lately... theres more and more waste of time comercials and news blasts day that just ruins the whole point of just well watching tv. Its like if I want to watch anything it has to be tivo'd cause otherwise its not worth watching and its usually watched late at night if then.

Funny thing Someone told me that if you are able to forgive then you are a great person but some things one has done are unforgiveable and can never be forgotten no matter what. To truly be forgiven one shouldn't send messages or emails. They should be face to face and the words should come from the heart but with certain people its a little too late and I'm a little too far gone to accept anything from them...All I can say to them is "Glad your out of my life"

Words are just that words with out any action behind them they will be worthless. If one is two faced what good are they to society.

The move means saying good bye to those I love as well as leaving behind the two faced liars who they think i can just forgive when i can't. The ones I love know how to contact me. The move is going to make me closer to family and in the end thats all you have left.

Just got home from seeing my best friend in the hospital. Tired and drained and all anyone can do is be selfish and dump their crappy problems onto me. I am not the one to go to these days with this crap anymore I'm through with helping everyone when their not willing to help me. Sorry if this is selfish and emo but thats just how life is these days. I lost all will to be cheerful sometime around July a bit after my birthday which was ruined by these selfish people.

Went to a job fair at Aetna for CSR found out theirs only 2positions and only 50 call backs and 1 IT CSR .... I'm all for the IT CSR cause then i'd be doing what i'd love and able to dress casusal instead of all formal business like. Issue is if I get the job I may lose out on all the chances i'd have to start over with in Tampa. Tampa means no "Doug/kim" and no "Justin Scoville Benjamin". These two have been very hurtful and very decieving to me as well as a few of the others i used to think as friends.

I want to restart and to feel again and being around some of these people I don't think I can feel that.

Why won't people understand that if I remove them from my friends list on messangers or whatevers that they can't respect my decision that i do not wish to have contact with them due to their behaviors or what their saying behind my back then think i want to hang and do things with them well they got another thing comming to them.


Its bad enough that because of My EX i will be leaving the city of lake mary... "Doug/Kim" if your reading this i don't care if you do tell Justin this. Its his fault i can't find a job due to him and his lies. I hope your happy being his friend and not a friend to me. If you were any kind of friend to me you wouldn't make contact with him or anyone he knows. Because what he has been saying to you has been told to me.

Some times appologiez and words just arent enough to fix things. Its meaning what you say and if you say your going to get someone a job you might as well do so. Promises are just becomming empty words that society says to each to try and smooth over so that they don't hurt someones feelings.

Tired of being hurt but more so tired of trusting people who i thought were my friends.

Well besides living with ADD i am also bipolar and had a really intense manic episode tonight. I really didn't want Rafe to see me this way. The manic epis push away those i love dearly. Because of these two medical isshys i don't drive at all and being 28 it makes one feel like a burden and wanting to act upon what the voices are telling me to do. I doubt many can understand this sort of pain. the epis sometimes cause a black out where i don't remember the next day what happend the day before at all. Its cost me everything including love and friendship and left me with nothing.

I wanna know this and maybe its selfish of me to be thinking this right now but I can't help it as the four days before my birthday grow closer but wonder this.

If you are who your friends are then who am I because I don't know this answer anymore. I'm tired of being hurt and let down by my so called friends and they know this one person has burned me more then a couple of times and yet they care more about this person then me.

Why care if no one cares back? I would love to know that answer. Please answer this back to me.

Has the whole world gone madden.... I don't know....maybe its best that I remain numb so that I do not crave things that others do like ....well mostly material things.... The only thing I've been craving for this summer is a job and to do as I pleased on my birthday in the upcomming days but that isn't likely to happen due to well my parents invited the cousins over to the house for my birthday when instead I really needed to be with my friends that day don't they get that June 28th of 2006 when Alyse was killed in the car accident has wrecked that day for me.

Haven't written in who knows how long but thanks to Justin... I am an outcast who is struggling very hard. Convergys didn't seem all that intrested in me cause I don't do any programing so gonna struggle and hope to find some crappy part time job in the mean time. I've fallen so far and am so unhappy due to all the lies and everything else I've been surrounded with that I know in my heart that i can't trust anyone or be open anymore. It just causes too much hurt and too much pain.

The weekend with Shawtee, D 1 and D 2 was amazing as all anything. The hotel we stayed at kicked azz. We were right across the street from Pleasure Island. We had to walk back drunk to the hotel due to we missed the hotel shuttle bus and the cabbie we saw while we were walking wanted to charge us 10 each. It was a much needed break from the drama til I got back home and went back to the real world. I totally drunk dialed the guy I'm sorta dating on the walk back just to keep me awake cause my friends were much more wasted then I was.



I am sick of the fake people who try to be there for me like Kim who because of Kim, my best friend and only person I can ever trust isn't talking to me because Kim has been speaking with my hacker. Thanks the hell alot ... I thought you were a true friend and cared about me. I found this out once I returned and recovered from my hangover on Sunday night. Thanks alot for bringing the drama back into my life when things were finally getting better for me.


The guy who I'm kind of seeing right now he knows how hurt I am because of what Kim has been telling the f*ing hacker. I couldn't see my guy til at least possible next week due to our days and nights clash so badly.

Is my AS computer networking degree which if I can ever get this damn'd term paper written and my mom to stop treating me like a F*ing slave It will be done and I will be closer to the AS degree in which I am graduating in may.